1. Never underestimate the power of a Lesbian Housewyfe.
2. Reduce, reuse, recycle.
3. Never smack your mate or current lover or even cheap one night stand upside the head or anywhere else unless they ask you to.
4. I embrace and rejoice in every small chance to revel in Mother Nature even if it means going without showers and pooping in a hole in the woods.
5. Your true family is chosen.
6. Celebrate diversity in all its forms.
7. When you come out, you must do it face to face preferably at Thanksgiving dinner.
8. Take full responsibility for creating your own traditions.
9. Never promote anything which oppresses women.
10. Naturalness is the key to true beauty.
11. Value and treasure every remark your partner utters (serious or silly) and back her up, if need be.
12. Every decision must involve everyone who will be affected by that decision. The best way to structure the discussion is to sit down as a group and get everyone’s opinion. This decisionmaking process should be used in every situation, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant the subject matter.
13. Any lesbian worth her salt will hereby agree to promote the Lesbian Laws without exception because she is proud of expounding upon her Lesbian Lifestyle and all it entails.
14. Your natural shape is the most beautiful, no matter what society dictates.
15. Support your family in all they do, even if it’s Amway.
16. Rent your house to Family whenever possible.
17. Never do anything that endangers a dolphin.
18. Conserve all energy except yours.
19. Respond calmly under the duress of faulty logic and then make that fool suffer like no fool’s ever suffered before.
20. Household duties are to be divided equally among all members of the residence unless heavy lifting is involved in which case this particular job falls under the domain of the butchy babe.
21. The duty of the femme at sporting events is to bring the refreshments.
22. Everyone gets a chance to play.
23. Each lesbian must attend a minimum of two dozen softball games in her lifetime. At least one half of these must be in adulthood.
24. Never, ever cross a crone.