diary of a lesbian housewyfe


Diary of a Lesbian Housewyfe: Drunk Nostalgia

I have a place that I like to go and remember the special moments of my life. I call it “the liquor cabinet.” All of my liquor (NOT the wine and beer) sits on top of my refrigerator. I know I read somewhere that you should never store your liquor […]

Drunk Nostalgia

Diary of a Lesbian Housewyfe: Pro-“Grass”-Tination Blues

Every year, we have a moment where the snow melts and the earth begins to smell again. Not in a bad way, simply that dirt smell we lose when the ground freezes. Just past Easter, the ski mountain closes and green grass miraculously takes the place of the snow. Crocuses […]

Pro-"Grass"-Tination Blues

Diary of a Lesbian Housewyfe: Perk of the Lifestyle

I am a housewyfe. I am not a mother. I know that, for many, these two concepts intertwine so synonymously that saying you are a housewyfe means that you are a full-time mother. I may look motherly, but I lost my figure to pie and cookies and homemade jam. I […]

Perk of the Lifestyle

Diary of a Lesbian Housewyfe: The Sparkle Darkly Silver Lining

Each Independence Day follows a certain ritual. My honey-bunny and I wake up, get dressed and go downtown to peruse our little town’s annual Fourth of July parade. The giant bull, the local arts camp’s musical number, infinite horses ridden by rodeo queens and cowboys, the old stagecoach, the convertible […]

Fireworks, July 3rd, 2013

Diary of a Lesbian Housewyfe: Mitzvot?

A couple of years ago, Stephanie and I got invited to a “Seder and Kugel Cookoff” for Passover. Like good little gentiles (Lesbian Law #6: “Celebrate diversity in all its forms.”), we did extensive research on the internet and our cookbook archive for recipes. We settled on two, one matzoh […]

The Bear Entered Stage Left

Diary of a Lesbian Housewyfe: Guide to Surviving Sporting Events

At the tender age of nine, in a futile attempt to fit in with my classmates, I begged and pestered my poor parents until they agreed to trot me down to the old ball field and sign me up for softball. They spent the remainder of their summer dragging me […]

Diary of a Lesbian Housewyfe: Guide to Surviving Sporting Events

Diary of a Lesbian Housewyfe: Change of Address

Moving is traumatic. I wish I could soften this blow somehow, but even the Lesbian Housewyfe has to admit that uprooting your entire household and taking it somewhere else, even if it is just next door, is not as easy as we all wish. Whether you have a truckload full […]

Diary of a Lesbian Housewyfe: Change of Address

Diary of a Lesbian Housewyfe: The Party Guide

Recently, the lovely Lesbian Housewyfe faced a common situation: my wonderful wyfe came home and, as she walked through the door, said, “How about we give a party?” I considered a moment, realizing that this could transform two days of my quiet life into total chaos in exchange for a […]

Diary of a Lesbian Housewyfe: The Party Guide

Diary of a Lesbian Housewyfe: Springtime Makeovers

I am sitting in the sun in a ragged piece of lawn furniture. The brick red paint is chipping off the soft wood and the pillow which kindly softens the slatted backrest and woven seat has lost gobs of its stuffing. I don’t care. The rays from the sun are […]

Springtime Makeover

Diary of a Lesbian Housewyfe: Parental Strategies

Nothing strikes fear into the hearts of homosexuals quite like a visit to the in-laws. Except perhaps a visit from the in-laws. Or maybe that time when your baby’s Mom showed up on the front porch with all her stuff. Anyway, yours truly saw her parents make the trek all […]

DLH Parental Strategies