Finishing Hope for the Future


I finished my sweetie’s Color Affection shawl this week.

I took two full evenings to bind off. When I pulled the yarn through the last stitch, I marveled.

Finishing this shawl freed me.

When I completed that bind-off and sat with the freed needle dangling from my hand, I realized I could still finish projects. Even big ones. And I realized that I hadn’t believed that in my heart.

I used to finish a project without fanfare. I would give myself a short sigh of relief, and then march off to the finishing like a good knitting soldier.

This time, as I wove in the ends, I felt the finish seep into me. I gloried in the fact that I had completed the knitting. When I soaked it in a mixture of water and mild detergent, I took a picture to preserve this moment of completion.

Soaking

In my usual ritual, I squeezed as much water from the fiber as possible. I tossed it out onto my new blocking mat (which I finally opened and assembled after letting it languish for months!). I retrieved my blocking wires and pins. Almost dancing, I pinned the piece out and stretched it to block.

The shawl stretched and stretched, changing from the bouncy enthusiasm of garter stitch to a light and airy wave. I imagined the elegance when my sweetie swept it around her shoulders.

After drying overnight under the watchful eye of Dolce, I released the shawl. I pulled the blocking wires and the pins from their places.

Dolce Blocking Duty

I picked up the shawl. The ends swung down in a looping spiral of grace.

Complete!

Excited, I confronted my love, barely awake and sitting on the toilet.

“What do you think?” Beaming. Displaying.

And, because she is my sweetie, she smiles. “It’s so beautiful. And it’s mine.”

“Yes.”

I left it draped over an unpacked box in our bedroom, safe from the floor and the attention of the pets.

Safe Space

I didn’t know my pain had held me hostage. I suppose I just didn’t let myself think about it. However, each time I felt it sneaking into my hand, I put my work down and despaired of finishing anything again. How could I make progress with only a row or two per evening?

Now, I have hope. I believe once more in my ability to finish something. It takes me a lot (a whole lot) longer and I can’t knit the way I used to (all the time with abandon), but I can finish something.

Even if I can only knit a row or two per evening.

I finished a shawl.

And it’s beautiful.

Everlasting Color Affection

Knitted in Dream in Color Everlasting Sock (100% Wool) in Amethyst, Passion & Bitter

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