Diary of a Lesbian Housewyfe


Diary of a Lesbian Housewyfe: The Condiment Gang

A couple of months after moving into our house, Stephanie and I bought a refrigerator. Stainless steel double doors with handy water and ice dispensers promised an organized display of beverages, vegetables, fruits and meats, all within my grasp. The wide shelves, the deep drawers, and the little box for […]

The Condiment Gang

Diary of a Lesbian Housewyfe: String Theory

On a dark and stormy afternoon, I closed my eyes, braced myself and sprinted from my car across the parking lot to the post office. My mission: retrieve the mail. (Neither rain nor snow nor hail nor sleet nor…. Where’s a postman when you need one?) My shirt stuck to […]

Crocheted Wrap

Diary of a Lesbian Housewyfe: Drunk Nostalgia

I have a place that I like to go and remember the special moments of my life. I call it “the liquor cabinet.” All of my liquor (NOT the wine and beer) sits on top of my refrigerator. I know I read somewhere that you should never store your liquor […]

Drunk Nostalgia

Diary of a Lesbian Housewyfe: Pro-“Grass”-Tination Blues

Every year, we have a moment where the snow melts and the earth begins to smell again. Not in a bad way, simply that dirt smell we lose when the ground freezes. Just past Easter, the ski mountain closes and green grass miraculously takes the place of the snow. Crocuses […]

Pro-"Grass"-Tination Blues

Diary of a Lesbian Housewyfe: Perk of the Lifestyle

I am a housewyfe. I am not a mother. I know that, for many, these two concepts intertwine so synonymously that saying you are a housewyfe means that you are a full-time mother. I may look motherly, but I lost my figure to pie and cookies and homemade jam. I […]

Perk of the Lifestyle

Diary of a Lesbian Housewyfe: The Sparkle Darkly Silver Lining

Each Independence Day follows a certain ritual. My honey-bunny and I wake up, get dressed and go downtown to peruse our little town’s annual Fourth of July parade. The giant bull, the local arts camp’s musical number, infinite horses ridden by rodeo queens and cowboys, the old stagecoach, the convertible […]

Fireworks, July 3rd, 2013

Diary of a Lesbian Housewyfe: Mitzvot?

A couple of years ago, Stephanie and I got invited to a “Seder and Kugel Cookoff” for Passover. Like good little gentiles (Lesbian Law #6: “Celebrate diversity in all its forms.”), we did extensive research on the internet and our cookbook archive for recipes. We settled on two, one matzoh […]

The Bear Entered Stage Left

Diary of a Lesbian Housewyfe: A Short Explanation on Husbynds & Wyves

One day this past summer, I sat in a friend’s home watching my lovely wyfe and our lovely hostesses bustle about the kitchen and make dinner. It is not often that the Lesbian Housewyfe gets a break and this one was blissful! I reclined on a couch in the living […]

A Short Explanation on Husbynds & Wyves

Diary of a Lesbian Housewyfe: Guide to Surviving Sporting Events

At the tender age of nine, in a futile attempt to fit in with my classmates, I begged and pestered my poor parents until they agreed to trot me down to the old ball field and sign me up for softball. They spent the remainder of their summer dragging me […]

Diary of a Lesbian Housewyfe: Guide to Surviving Sporting Events